The Predator (2018): Action / Adventure / Horror

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I know it’s meant to be short reviews but films like that make me break my own rules.

Boy… where do I begin… I found the film extremely… profound!

Profoundly ridiculous intro where we straight away see the predator, no suspense, no nothing, getting caught like a b!@£$. Shane said: “screw you, you know the bastard, let’s get on with it, I’m hungry – or something”.

Every single soldier we meet after that is profoundly buffoon, non-relatable to anyone, with a yawnsome background that you would laugh, devouring your nacho cheese, if they suffered a horrible, vicious, painful death.

We also meet a profoundly nonsensical, supreme biologist who happens to be fit as a butcher’s dog and other than prodigy in evolutionary biology, she runs as fast as the predator, jumps from rooftops onto running buses, shoots advanced weaponry like a commando without any previous training whatsoever, and after using scientific terminology, she swears like a dockyard worker.

Before, during, and after the dumbasses deal with the predator, us, the mourning audience, have to suffer profoundly moronic lines from the aforementioned moronic buffoons, who couldn’t overuse the word “fuck” or any permutation of it to make their lines sound funny. Actually, on the rare occasion that you don’t hear the word “fuck” in the sentence, you scratch your head wondering “why”?

Thankfully, the film finally concludes in a profoundly, unfathomable boring way and I catch myself thinking “Did I enjoy more the Beverly Hills Chihuahua”?

Well, I guess that’s my… profound review of the “film” that numerous producers, agents, actors, and a major distributor greenlit, made it happen, and took my £12.

Conclusion: Where are you John McTiernan???

You can find it here:

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